I can't

All that goes through my head is I can't.
I can't exercise
I can't do yoga
I can't swim in a pool
I can't jog
I can't go to the gym
I can't go for long bushwalks
I can't swim in the ocean
I can't drive at night
I can't drive in the rain
I can't park my car
I can't do my job
I can't handle the pressure at work
I can't read the computer screen without assistive technology
I can't read a magazine or a book without getting headaches
I can't find time to study my Health and Wellbeing Coach course
I can't do anything after work because I'm so exhausted
I can't go out to dinner because I can't afford it on reduced pay
I can't go out dancing
I can't go out drinking
I can't hang out with my friends like I want to
I can't have sex
I can't find love
I can't do anything.
I can't handle the anxiety
I can't handle the pain
I can't handle the fear of my graft rejecting
I can't handle the fear of going blind
I can't even update my website often because computer screens just hurt my eyes.
I learnt to replace 'I can't' with 'I wont be able to for a while'. I know it should help, but I miss living my life.
I am not at peace with what is ....
Miss Nat
xoxox