I'm finding that I don't have the energy or ability to update my posts as frequently as I wanted as my eyes just hurt all the time.
I tried full time work hours because I thought I was invincible and that if I wanted to do something I'd be able to. My job is busier than full time anyway, I enjoy work and getting out of the house and achieving something every day really makes me feel good, so why couldn't I do full time?
Oh that's right, because I have this cornea graft that seems to be affecting my energy levels and my ability to do everything.
With the advice from my HR support person we reduced my hours after my first day to 6.5 hours a day, I was still exhausted by the weekend but thought it was ok. Then week two I was shattered by Friday and went home at lunch time because my graft eye was so sore and I was stuck resting in bed or on the couch all weekend. The scary bit was that my right eye must have been tired or something as well as things I could read earlier in the week were blurry .... what's going on with my eyes?
I spent this weekend really contemplating the purpose of life and money and health and wellbeing. Do I go part time? Do I want to give all of my energy to work every day and then be left unable to do anything of an evening or on the weekend? This isn't really right.
I spoke to a friend about my quandry... if I work full time then I get paid more money and I can use it to do things around the house that will make me happy, but then I'd be paying other people or asking friends to do the work as I don't have the energy. He came out with the most insightful and best piece of advice 'you can make money any time, it's more important to look after your health now. Health first, money can come later'. Oh my god that's so true! How silly of me to miss that crucial point - if I work my arse off while I'm in this fragile state then I'll increase my chances of issues to either cornea and my chance of being blind and then how am I going to enjoy any of these things?
If I concentrate on gettin
g my eyes better now, then when I'm all healed, healthier and stronger I can go back to work full time and use my money to make my house a cozy home.
We started week three with a new regime, 5.5 hours 4 days a week and having Wednesday's off work. That way I can work for two days, rest for one, then work for two and rest for two.
My health is the most important thing to me. Without my health I can't enjoy my money, so I may as well focus on my health first.
I am at peace with what is....